HeartStrung

Fourteen years ago on this day, I married my best friend. Mr. Amazing and I got married outside a little church in Colorado, with the beautiful Rocky Mountains as our backdrop. I wore my mother's wedding dress, which was originally her mother's wedding dress. Mr. Amazing's uncle was our Minister. It was a beautiful day, sunny and 70, just as I knew it would be, despite the weather man predicting cold and potentially snow. We stood in front of our families and beloved friends and recited vows that I had struggled to write and be satisfied with and then we exchanged our rings. With this ring, I thee wed... We pictured ourselves still loving each other when we were old, our bodies stooped over, shuffling from room to room in that characteristic elderly way. He might have a form of dementia by then but of course he would still remember me. I might be disabled by then but we would still cuddle and laugh our nights away together. We thought that was all far far into ...

You arrived and there we were: two souls, one infinitely large universe, a sky full of stars sparkling like diamonds in our eyes. And it was as if all of space and time compacted. We could carry it all in the palms of our hands. And then the weaving began, creating a tapestry of lightness, of being, that burrowed beneath our skin,                                 and entwined our very existence. For Mr. Amazing   11/22/13

I feel pretty strongly that Charitable Judgments come from Love and Critical Judgments come from Fear. I work diligently to keep my judgments of others charitable and favorable. Sometimes it is really difficult. I often struggle with identifying the line between charitable judgment and critical thinking. I want to believe in the light within us all. I want to believe that when we are at our worst, we are not being our true selves. I want to believe this of everyone. My fears often get the best of me though. I fear those friends of mine who won't talk to me anymore never actually cared about me at all. I know this isn't true. The Charitable side of me says, she is just having a hard time dealing with the reality of my illness. She is just having a hard time letting things change. She just doesn't know what to say. I try to silence the voice of fear inside of me that says, she thinks I am boring. She doesn't care about me. I don't want to listen to that cri...