HeartStrung

At my last appointment, my doctor said my blood work looks good. All of my numbers were in the normal range including my inflammation markers. "This is good news," he said. "I think we should lower your dose of * medication* ." If you've been around my blog, you probably know how I feel about taking medications. I'm not afraid or "anti" about it, but in general, if I can make do without it or with less, that is what I will choose. So I agreed. And he sent the new Rx in to the pharmacy and Mr. Amazing and I left the appointment feeling proud and satisfied. I was all, Look at me over here, improving. Didn't I tell you I was doing really well? I knew I was doing really well. I could feel it. ~ Since the beginning of June, I've been taking half the dose I was taking. (Side note: for reasons I'll never understand, the cost of the Rx at this dose is the same as the cost for double this dose. What kind of trick does the pharmacy thi

For me, the New Year starts     in August when the heat outside     makes mirages on the pavement, and there's an abundance of ripe food on the table     fresh from the garden. This year     will mark the 40th trip I've taken          around our sun. And I'll be happy to be one year older. But while everyone else          plans out their dream trips          and special events, I am stuck wondering     if I'll even be well          when the day comes around. Maybe it is understandable,     the slight pangs of jealousy I feel          whenever the others          talk about their own birthday plans. But even if it is understandable ,     that doesn't make it any easier           to feel. I am not jealous     because I wish to travel     or do something grand. The jealousy is more because     my life doesn't look the way I planned. The jealousy is because     I spend my life

Hope made visible In the tiny buds of spring Giving us new life

#1 Walking beside you small fingers entwined with mine my heart overflows #2 Trusting the process I turn my face toward the sun and begin again

Dear Body,  I am writing you this letter because there are so many things I never say to you even though I speak to you daily. There are so many words that I have for you yet I feel like I don't even know where to start...but I suppose anywhere will do. You have carried me through just shy of 40 years of life so far. It's crazy to think about that much time having passed. In some ways I still feel far younger than that, but as you know, in other ways this body feels much much older. I spend so much time hating on you, I know. And I know it isn't fair. You put up with so much abuse from the way I constantly run into things to the way other people comment on your existence...it is so incredibly cruel of me to add my own hurtful comments on top. But I promise you, I'm trying to change this. Really, I am.  We've been through so much together and despite the really bad years we've had recently, you've continued to carry us both forward, making