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40th Birthday Poem

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For me, the New Year starts     in August when the heat outside     makes mirages on the pavement, and there's an abundance of ripe food on the table     fresh from the garden. This year     will mark the 40th trip I've taken          around our sun. And I'll be happy to be one year older. But while everyone else          plans out their dream trips          and special events, I am stuck wondering     if I'll even be well          when the day comes around. Maybe it is understandable,     the slight pangs of jealousy I feel          whenever the others          talk about their own birthday plans. But even if it is understandable ,     that doesn't make it any easier           to feel. I am not jealous     because I wish to travel     or do something grand. The jealousy is more because     my life doesn't look the way I planned. The jealousy is because     I spend my life