HeartStrung

Listen. I am dancing with you holding you close we twist through the night I am your keeper I am your fire I am your light.                   I am.

Photo by Maksym Kaharlytskyi on Unsplash the thoughts that fill my mind get me lost every time i listen because               she is incessant               because               ignoring her is impossible her voice leads into a labyrinth          where every turn is toward self-destruction          turn right: find fear          turn left: insecurity          straight: unending grief          behind: self-hate the way out is blocked. i stumble through the passages          toward every dead-end          my face tear-stained          her voice a brutal attack          against my core. this path creates confusion this one unmakes me          shreds my self-respect i have nothing left. she makes me unwhole. i have forgotten that in listening          i need not believe          i need not internalize                    every utterance as truth but it's too late. i am disoriented unhinged too far from home     

the wheel spins 'round my fate dependent on where it stops but it just keeps spinning Photo by Brian Suh on Unsplash

 breathe in and breathe out                         in this way                          make everything stop                          when you feel too much

how to practice living magic:           move through the world           one small step at a time           gently, with presence          

I could never withstand the things I've put you through. but still, you love me.