On Having Charitable Judgments

I feel pretty strongly that Charitable Judgments come from Love and Critical Judgments come from Fear.

I work diligently to keep my judgments of others charitable and favorable. Sometimes it is really difficult. I often struggle with identifying the line between charitable judgment and critical thinking. I want to believe in the light within us all. I want to believe that when we are at our worst, we are not being our true selves. I want to believe this of everyone.

My fears often get the best of me though.

I fear those friends of mine who won't talk to me anymore never actually cared about me at all. I know this isn't true. The Charitable side of me says, she is just having a hard time dealing with the reality of my illness. She is just having a hard time letting things change. She just doesn't know what to say.

I try to silence the voice of fear inside of me that says, she thinks I am boring. She doesn't care about me.

I don't want to listen to that critical, fearful voice because the voice of fear never makes me feel good and because I believe that we get back what we give. I despise having someone judge me negatively. It feels so awful.

I remember a time when a friend told me something private and personal, something tender in her heart, through an e-mail. And I failed to respond to her about it. There wasn't a hidden reason for my non-response. I just got distracted. I failed to recognize what my friend needed from me. And then I forgot to reply. I don't like that I forgot to respond. I still feel horrible about the whole thing. I try so hard to be there for people and care for their tender places. But I'm not perfect. I often make mistakes. My friend took my lack of response personally. She said some things that still sting in my heart and memory to this day.

I think of the turmoil our relationship went through and can't help but wonder how different that situation would have been had she given me a favorable judgment instead of assuming the worst of me.

All people really want is to be loved and accepted. We want others to give us Charitable Judgments; to assume the best of us, even when it looks from the outside like we don't deserve it. More often than not, we have good intentions.

I make so many mistakes in this life. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. This song, That Wasn't Me, by Brandi Carlile, reminds me that I am not as bad as my worst days. I am so much more. And so are you.

So I'm going to keep working at loving fearlessly and assuming the best of others. And hopefully I will see the same thing reflected back to me.